How to be a good listener

With so many people communicating electronically, it’s easy to forget how to be a good listener. Being a good listener involves paying attention to the speaker, showing interest in what they have to say, and providing feedback in a non-judgmental and respectful way. 

By following these tips, you can improve your listening skills and foster stronger and more meaningful connections with others.

Focus on the speaker

Put aside distractions and give the speaker your full attention.  Even if you find the conversation upsetting or distressing try to remain calm. 

Positive body language is a great way of showing that you are really listening and understanding what is being said. Good body language means demonstrating that you are interested in what is being said – by leaning slightly forward, smiling and nodding your head. Eye contact is also important when you are listening to someone. Looking at the person when listening shows that you are not distracted or bored and are paying attention. 

Show interest and ask questions

Use nonverbal cues, such as nodding and maintaining eye contact, to indicate that you are engaged in the conversation.

Show that you are interested in what the speaker has to say by asking thoughtful questions. Repeat back to the speaker what you heard to ensure that you understand their message correctly.

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Avoid giving unsolicited advice

Listen to understand, not to solve their problems. Hard as this may seem sometimes it’s best to be there to listen and not appear to tell someone what to do. If you start to give advice it can get in the way of what the person is trying to say. After all, they may simply want to tell you how they are feeling or get something off their chest. 

If you do decide to offer advice (for instance if the person asks you for advice) try to keep this neutral and avoid being influenced by your own views or experiences. Think about what is best for the person instead of what you would personally do. 

Keep confidential information exactly that – confidential 

If the person asks you to keep what they tell you confidential be sure to respect their privacy. No matter how tempting it may be to tell someone else, do not reveal what has been discussed. After all, the person has chosen to confide in you as they likely see you as someone trustworthy. 

The only exception to this is if you feel the person (or someone else) is at serious risk of harm. In this case, it is important that you share this information to protect the person or someone else from danger. 

Empathise

Try to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and understand their perspective. Before responding take a few moments to look at the situation from their point of view. 

Be respectful

Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts before responding – don’t interrupt them. Treat the speaker with kindness and respect, even if you disagree with them. Don’t try to change the subject as this may make the person feel like you aren’t taking them seriously. 

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